You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
