so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm always down for nudity.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
