Will you blow on my dice?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
