i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
