I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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