So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize