She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
