I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
