isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
