I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
