She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
