Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
