do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
