What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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