Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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