no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Text me some of your sweat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
