we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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