I just saw a hot homeless man
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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