So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
