I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The air was thick with penises
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
