We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm both gender and math confused
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize