Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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