I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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