And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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