I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
