I heard we made out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
