the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
