Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
