We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
