I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
