New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
