Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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