I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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