i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
