My balls are so social today.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
