I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
