I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
