I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
