U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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