Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
