my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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