I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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