What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
