so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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