Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
