Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
