we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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