Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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