When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
