Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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