I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
