I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
