Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
