Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
