I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
