Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
