$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
