With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
