No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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