he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
