I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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