Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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