So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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