I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
