I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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