FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
