Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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