dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think i have two assholes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
