Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
