i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
