And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
