How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
