Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize