well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize