I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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