Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
