I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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