We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
