My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
