She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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