I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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