im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
