So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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