i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
