it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
