Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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