i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
