They should really pass out barf bags in church
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
