At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
