I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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