I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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