I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
