I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
