I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
