So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
